Twelve Days of Christmas: Scheming of a White Christmas
by Brightness Wordweaver
Summary: Megamind has a Christmas scheme. Metro Man has spectacularly failed to show up. Roxanne would like to get taken home, please, but that may not be possible. Pre-movie MegaRox if you squint.


A/N: Welcome to Day Eight of my Twelve Days of Christmas ficathon! Each day will be in a different fandom, so check out the full list on my profile. Today's loose prompt: eight maids a-milking.

There's a fair bit of Megamind fanfic out there where he's forced to spend quality time with Roxanne pre-movie because of a plot going wrong. I wanted to play with that same concept, only caused by the plot going right.

...

It had been a green Christmas in Metro City, until Megamind's plan to cover the place in cottage cheese had actually worked.

The supervillain, in strict point of fact, was in something of a state of shock. He hadn't expected the scheme to work, or even come close. Metro Man always stopped him, usually before he could even get started. There had to be something different about this time, some factor he hadn't considered. Maybe if he knew what it was, he could duplicate the circumstances in future. Yes. He was going to approach this scientifically, not just stand there with his mouth open.

Time to question his captive. Megamind strode through the Lair to where Roxanne Ritchi was currently tied to a chair. She was also gagged, which wasn't normal protocol, but had become necessary when she wouldn't stop arguing earlier. Miss Ritchi was always a tad, well, feisty, but she'd never told him outright and repeatedly that he didn't know what he was doing and he should send her home and drop the whole thing right then.

Her first words when he pulled the gag off were, "It's about time."

"Miss Ritchi," Megamind said, endeavoring to remain calm and professional, "I have reason to suspect that you knew my scheme would go amiss-that is, amiss for Metrocity. Is there anything to do with Metro Man that you would like to tell me now, or do I have to bring out the lasers? And the spikes?"

Miss Ritchi blew a piece of hair out of her face. "_Yes._ I was trying to tell you earlier, but you were being an _idiot._ Metro Man's out of town today, spending time with his family. In New Hampshire, if you must know."

Megamind blinked. Miss Ritchi being so forthcoming with information was yet another thing he hadn't expected. "Why would he go to New Hampshire?"

"Because it's _Christmas_," Miss Ritchi said exasperatedly. "He and his parents have a cabin up there, and he always spends Christmas Day there, with them. You've never done a Christmas plot before, so it's not something you would've noticed. But if you'd just _listened_ to me, we could've avoided this whole kidnapping nonsense."

Megamind, master of witty banter, suddenly found himself without a clue of what to say.

"Why did you suddenly decide to stage an evil plot on Christmas, anyway?" Miss Ritchi asked. "Is it some new trend? What all the evilest villains are scheming this year?"

"Actually, we heard about it at a conference," Minion said brightly from his corner by the computer banks. "The Fisher King was presenting in a panel-he was just released from the penitentiary, but apparently he had great success with annual Christmas schemes in the 70s-"

"Minion!" Megamind snapped, feeling that the time had come to assert some control over the situation. "What have I told you about Miss Ritchi's nosy reporter skills, and giving away all our secrets?"

"To not to," the henchfish said guiltily.

"Well then! Since it seems the epic battle between Metro Man and myself has been, er, postponed, I shall have to dispose of you, Miss Ritchi. Minion, kindly fetch the knockout spray and pull the car around."

Minion moved towards the door, but Miss Ritchi snorted. "Oh, please. At least have the grace to admit when you've been hoisted by your own petard. Those cottage cheese drifts are feet thick. No cars are getting through that, even with your weird techy updates." She smiled, bright and sharp. "Looks like I'm stuck here. Or are you stuck with me?"

Megamind looked at Miss Ritchi, and at the cottage cheese piled against the Lair's high windows. This was the last time he did a Christmas plot-he would infinitely rather have been punched across the room by Metro Man.

"I could make some roast chestnuts to pass the time!" Minion suggested. "Oh, and the Romanian outlet store sent some complimentary crackers. Not the kind you eat, the kind you pull."

"A Romanian outlet store, hm?" Miss Ritchi said. "Now you've got me all curious."

Megamind sighed from somewhere deep in his boots. This was going to be a long day.


End file.
